no, i am not a perfect mother...

helsingbor, sweden. jan 2017 

london, england. dec 2016  

san juan, puerto rico. feb 2016 

mother's day 2016

san jaun, puerto rico. feb 2016

i am not a perfect mother.

i love my children so madly, truly and deeply; every inch of my being bursts with pure joy at the sight of them, and i would give my life in exchange for theirs without hesitation. yet and still, i am nowhere near ideal. i strive to be the best mami that i can be, but because i am human, i often fail and make mistakes. i take my kids on crazy global adventures, teach them to feel empathy and deep love for others, they have great self esteem and will conquer the world one day! we do craft projects and paint; i try to keep them inspired and inquisitive. we laugh and play and love and live! they have amazing lives and still i miss the mark. i lose my temper some days and i yell; i get frustrated and regret my words.

i feel guilty and like the worst parent ever and think, "             would never lose their patience and always seems so cheerful and engaged- i'm a horrible mother!!!" and then the other day a friend said to me, "i'm struggling so much right now with lots of things in my life, and i feel like i'm being such a bad mom! i told myself that i needed to be more like iliah because she's always smiling at her kids..." i laughed and told her that like all mothers, i fail. i fail big time.

the girls are growing up and changing, and motherhood is just not as simplistic as it once was. long gone are the "easy" days when all we did was cuddle, do craft projects, read stories, sing, dance and play. now i'm breaking up arguments, having power struggles with ama over outfits, dealing with lili crying every morning while getting her hair combed and so many other things! some days, it's a war zone just getting out to school on time! i'm constantly having to watch my own attitudes, tones and looks at the girls because i only want them to know love and acceptance from me. when i feel that i have failed in my patience, i ask them to forgive me. I want them to always have the best of me, and sometimes i just cannot give it. yet i have learned that walking in humility before them, even in the midst of my own shortcomings, is powerful.

to all the mamas out there: you are amazing! even when you fail, you are the only mother that your children will ever want.

be at peace today...