goals...

i'm not one who normally makes new year's resolutions. maybe because i know that i won't actually keep them, but this year i wanted to challenge myself to make goals and let others know about them as a way to keep myself accountable.

here's a list a some of my goals for 2017:

1. self care! i go, go, go as a mother, and i need to stop and be more intentional about doing things for myself. motherhood doesn't overwhelm me, but i think that it's important to hold on to my own self and interests as well.

2. build this blog. it's been a dream of mine to be a full-time blogger for years now, and i really want to work hard this year to peruse this dream. i'm not giving up my grad schools plans for this anytime soon, but people actually earn a living from blogging these days! DREAM! my realistic goals for building the blog are: writing at LEAST two post per week- eventually transitioning into writing everyday- investing the money into the process, connect with other bloggers and continuing researching how to make it grow.

3. watch youtube videos to learn to use photoshop.

4. pray EVERYDAY. before becoming a mother, prayer was a way of life for me. these days, i don't have hours to spend in that "quiet place," but i can dedicate at least 30 mins to connecting with God. and no, i haven't been good at keeping up with it...

5. read the bible EVERYDAY. read above and replace "prayer" with "bible reading" and it's the same story.

6. read more poetry and literature that i love.

7. go to at least five new countries. i spent the first week of january in denmark and sweden, so i guess technically i only have three more to go!

8. less time on facebook.

9. more quality time with the kids. i spend A LOT of time with them, and we do a lot of projects and outings, but i want to make sure that as the girls are getting older, i am spending quality time with each of them to build closeness and a continued open relationship. quality time is especially important to ama, and i want to be sure that i am giving them quality and not just quantity.

10. read a parenting book. as the girls are getting older, parenting is becoming more challenging. i want to have a healthy balance of boundaries and rules along with them being fierce and powerful. also, i want to read a book about raising boys- a subject that i am clueless on.

11. get a beautiful photo shoot done with the kids! i've been trying to make it a point to take more photos of myself -i'm the one always taking the pictures- and i really want to take professional ones with nasi and the girls.

12. buy more things for myself. really, i use to be SOOO good at this! before having children, you'd never have to convince me that i should spend money on me! i had (have) a thing for expensive make-up and nice clothes, but none of that seemed to matter anymore once i had my babies! i gladly give all that i have to them -ok, and to travel!- but i do need to buy nice for myself as well. this lipstick is calling my name, and i'm going to spend $30 on it...guilt free!

13. finish old craft projects. i have a quilt that i started back when lili was about seven months old that i need to finish. so, um, yeah... i want to get into the habit of finishing things that I've started, and to make sure that i'm teaching the kids this same thing. i'm making it a point to inforce that they finish books that they've started reading, even if they find them "boring."

14. learn a new craft. crochet will be first, and then maybe weaving or macramé. i'll stay realistic and aim for crocheting.

15. plant a vegetable garden. i FINALLY have a big yard with the space to do so- who wants to help me get started?!

16. only surround myself with loving and supportive people.

17. the most cliché goal of all: exercise.

18. find a place to volunteer.

19. laugh more. because, well, no one can ever have enough laughter in their life!

20. save more money.

21. connect with friends more often in real life, and not just on facebook.


what are your some of your goals for 2017, and how can i help keep you accountable?

thank you!!

i just wanted to take a minute to say "thank you" to everyone who has been reading my little blog! last week, it received over 1,500 views from all over the world! this means that nearly 4,000 people have visited this space in two weeks! WOW! i know that in "blog world" these stats are laughable, but they mean SOO much to me!

thank you for all the love and support!

i have so many people reading the blog in india, egypt, iraq, pakistan and other parts of the middle east and south asia- please leave a comment and let me know who you are! say "hello" and where you're from!

and my friend, thanks for your comments and solidarity!

a day without immigrants...

mi abuela. circa the 1970s

mi abuela. both her parents, and their families, sailed from spain to the united states searching for a better life. they worked hard, provided for their loved ones, worked the jobs that many were not willing to do and their community greatly contributed to the fabric of san francisco's culture. they were often discriminated against and made to feel as if they did not belong; my granny's grade school teacher would humiliate her in front of the entire class every morning. the teacher would make her stand in front of all the students while she checked her hair for lice, and would make her show her feet to ensure that they were clean- insinuating that spanish children were dirty. my abuela became ashamed of her name, ashamed of her language, ashamed of her culture and ashamed that her parents were not born in the united states. now, she's ashamed that she was ashamed of all these things...

the life of the immigrant is one of sacrifice, struggle and triumph. there is the agony of children being left behind, living far from one's homeland, language barriers, adjusting to a new culture, supporting a life here and family abroad, hard labor and low wages... along with many successes.

across the united states today, children are staying home from school, business are shutting down and workers refuse to labor as a means to show solidarity to the immigrants from all around the world who are working hard and making this nation great. it is the stolen african- who would become the black american- the indigenous tribes and the immigrant who are responsible for this country's economic dominance- without them we are nothing.

purest. truest. fiercest. love.

these three!

my love for them is wild and passionate and fierce and true.

they are a reflection of God's deep and wonderful love toward me.

even the most mundane and ordinary days are made extra ordinary because of them.

i'm trying to remember to treasure them more and more everyday.

they are growing up so fast and the simplest things mean everything:

a smile.

laughter.

their voices.

and yes, even the fighting!

happy valentine's day!

i'm done making excuses...

positano, amalfi coast, italy. aug 2015

i'm done with making excuses of why i'm not pursing my dream of becoming a mommy/ travel/ lifestyle/ politics/ faith/ craft/ race/ everything-in-between blogger. i've been dreaming of this since 2009, and i finally did start a blog four years ago when the girls and i were in asia- i just never really kept up with it.

i had my reasons:

stresses of life.

don't know how to grow a blog.

don't have a professional camera with expensive lenses.

don't have a cool blog design and layout.

don't know how to use photoshop.

can't decide what "type" of blogger i'd be.

some of the Christian mom bloggers i stumbled upon talked about their "great desire" to be "obedient wives," and i had no interest in that.

everyone else started their blogs years before me, and they were all soo professional looking.

the girls are bigger now and i should have started when they were little.

i should have started back again when nasi was born.

i should have been blogging during all of our trips.

i needed to live in reality and just get a masters degree and call it a day.

maybe if i lived somewhere more exciting, more people would tune in.

maybe my writing isn't good enough- i've never taken any formal writing class.

time management.

fear.

fear.

fear.

the list could go on.

normally, i'm the "i don't take 'no' for an answer," "i will crush any obstacle in my way" type person who dreams crazy dreams and goes after them. i'm pushy. i'm feisty. i'm a fighter. i wasn't afraid to travel alone around se asia for nearly four months with toddlers- without a lot of  money or a backup plan. i wasn't afraid to take a three hour bus ride with little ones from mexico city to michoacán, despite tales of dangerous drug cartels. we hopped trains in europe for a few weeks, sometimes not knowing if we had a place to stay in our next city of arrival, and i was at peace! i flew home alone from argentina with the girls and a one month-old nasi without batting an eye. i welcome the unknown and rarely cling what is familiar; i thrive in uncharted waters.

i didn't fear donald trump enough to compromise and vote for hillary clinton. sure, go ahead and roll your eyes and call me reckless; i call myself informed.

there's something about this blog, though, that gives me a racing heart and sweaty palms- it's an almost paralyzing effect. i honestly want to pursue it and believe that i have a strong voice that people want to hear, but then i come up with all of my excuses and bury the dream deep in my heart. this is so unlike me.

a few times a year, i'll have different people randomly ask me if i've ever considered blogging. then i'll get this short-lived surge of inspiration and tell myself that i'm doing it this time...but then i don't.

i'm done with making excuses; i will not live in the land of dreams deferred.

this weekend, ama started a blog and has been dedicated to writing on it everyday- she's inspired me to do the same. how can i encourage my children to go after their dreams, if i'm not going after mine?

i'm going to attend a conference for women travel bloggers this april, and i will glean all the wisdom that i can...

i still don't have an expensive camera with a fancy lens, and i still don't have a "cool" looking blog design. i don't know if this blog will ever take off and go anywhere beyond my friends reading it and the occasional share on facebook. one thing i do know, though, is that i will stop making excusing for not going after this dream. i never like having regrets anyway...

what are the excuses and/or obstacles that are stopping you from pursuing your dream?

world hijab day

beginning in 2014, the girls and i have participated in world hijab day on february 1. it's a movement started by a muslim woman to raise awareness of, and show support to, women around the world who wear hijab. our friend from malaysia, murshidah, is her country's official WHD ambassador, and asked if we would like join the cause and show our solidarity as Christians- we agreed of course! the girls get excited every year to participate, but this year meant even more to us as our nation has begun openly embracing anti-islamic sentiments.

since our time in malaysia back in 2012 (you can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and a few other places...), hijab has become a normal part of the girls' lives. you can check out my instagram account and see that on any given day, you may find them playing dress up in hijab. once, ama was wearing a head covering and i asked her who she was pretending to be, and she answered very seriously saying that she was a doctor. i asked her how she felt wearing her hijab and she responded, "very powerful." my heart melted. to her, it made perfect sense that she could simply be playing as a doctor while wear hijab because there are millions of doctors around the world who wear the covering. in our western society, women in hijab are usually portrayed as oppressed, abused, controlled and desperately needing to be set free by our western standards, never realizing that there are so many powerful muslim women who are hijabis. to my girls, hijabis are their malaysian aunties who own businesses, have PhDs in medicine, are famous motivational speakers and humanitarians. they are also their somali aunties who are entrepreneurs and own henna shops in the somali mall; the ones who greet them with warm hugs and huge smiles every time we pop in for a henna session and a visit. hijabis are the beautiful women in the middle east whose lavish wedding photos they love googling to find inspiration for their own one-day nuptials. they are glamourous women that they saw in harrods buying chanel makeup and purses, with their perfectly manicured nails. they are the heads of state like benazir bhutto and local politicians like ilhan omar. they see muslim women as they see themselves: strong, beautiful, powerful, talented, creative, capable, intelligent, opinionated, loving and kind.

this past WHD, lili proudly stood up before her entire school to show off her hijab after her teacher explained why she was wearing it. i was proud of her, too.

loving one's neighbor as one loves one's own self is one of the most fundamental teachings of Jesus. it is this biblical command that both inspires and convicts me to raise my children to love and understand others. one's solidarity must go deeper than just covering one's heads for a day, though. we must be willing to put our own selves on the line -whatever that may mean- for those who look and think and believe differently than ourselves... isn't that what Jesus did?

no, i am not a perfect mother...

helsingbor, sweden. jan 2017 

london, england. dec 2016  

san juan, puerto rico. feb 2016 

mother's day 2016

san jaun, puerto rico. feb 2016

i am not a perfect mother.

i love my children so madly, truly and deeply; every inch of my being bursts with pure joy at the sight of them, and i would give my life in exchange for theirs without hesitation. yet and still, i am nowhere near ideal. i strive to be the best mami that i can be, but because i am human, i often fail and make mistakes. i take my kids on crazy global adventures, teach them to feel empathy and deep love for others, they have great self esteem and will conquer the world one day! we do craft projects and paint; i try to keep them inspired and inquisitive. we laugh and play and love and live! they have amazing lives and still i miss the mark. i lose my temper some days and i yell; i get frustrated and regret my words.

i feel guilty and like the worst parent ever and think, "             would never lose their patience and always seems so cheerful and engaged- i'm a horrible mother!!!" and then the other day a friend said to me, "i'm struggling so much right now with lots of things in my life, and i feel like i'm being such a bad mom! i told myself that i needed to be more like iliah because she's always smiling at her kids..." i laughed and told her that like all mothers, i fail. i fail big time.

the girls are growing up and changing, and motherhood is just not as simplistic as it once was. long gone are the "easy" days when all we did was cuddle, do craft projects, read stories, sing, dance and play. now i'm breaking up arguments, having power struggles with ama over outfits, dealing with lili crying every morning while getting her hair combed and so many other things! some days, it's a war zone just getting out to school on time! i'm constantly having to watch my own attitudes, tones and looks at the girls because i only want them to know love and acceptance from me. when i feel that i have failed in my patience, i ask them to forgive me. I want them to always have the best of me, and sometimes i just cannot give it. yet i have learned that walking in humility before them, even in the midst of my own shortcomings, is powerful.

to all the mamas out there: you are amazing! even when you fail, you are the only mother that your children will ever want.

be at peace today...