a day without immigrants...

mi abuela. circa the 1970s

mi abuela. both her parents, and their families, sailed from spain to the united states searching for a better life. they worked hard, provided for their loved ones, worked the jobs that many were not willing to do and their community greatly contributed to the fabric of san francisco's culture. they were often discriminated against and made to feel as if they did not belong; my granny's grade school teacher would humiliate her in front of the entire class every morning. the teacher would make her stand in front of all the students while she checked her hair for lice, and would make her show her feet to ensure that they were clean- insinuating that spanish children were dirty. my abuela became ashamed of her name, ashamed of her language, ashamed of her culture and ashamed that her parents were not born in the united states. now, she's ashamed that she was ashamed of all these things...

the life of the immigrant is one of sacrifice, struggle and triumph. there is the agony of children being left behind, living far from one's homeland, language barriers, adjusting to a new culture, supporting a life here and family abroad, hard labor and low wages... along with many successes.

across the united states today, children are staying home from school, business are shutting down and workers refuse to labor as a means to show solidarity to the immigrants from all around the world who are working hard and making this nation great. it is the stolen african- who would become the black american- the indigenous tribes and the immigrant who are responsible for this country's economic dominance- without them we are nothing.

world hijab day

beginning in 2014, the girls and i have participated in world hijab day on february 1. it's a movement started by a muslim woman to raise awareness of, and show support to, women around the world who wear hijab. our friend from malaysia, murshidah, is her country's official WHD ambassador, and asked if we would like join the cause and show our solidarity as Christians- we agreed of course! the girls get excited every year to participate, but this year meant even more to us as our nation has begun openly embracing anti-islamic sentiments.

since our time in malaysia back in 2012 (you can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and a few other places...), hijab has become a normal part of the girls' lives. you can check out my instagram account and see that on any given day, you may find them playing dress up in hijab. once, ama was wearing a head covering and i asked her who she was pretending to be, and she answered very seriously saying that she was a doctor. i asked her how she felt wearing her hijab and she responded, "very powerful." my heart melted. to her, it made perfect sense that she could simply be playing as a doctor while wear hijab because there are millions of doctors around the world who wear the covering. in our western society, women in hijab are usually portrayed as oppressed, abused, controlled and desperately needing to be set free by our western standards, never realizing that there are so many powerful muslim women who are hijabis. to my girls, hijabis are their malaysian aunties who own businesses, have PhDs in medicine, are famous motivational speakers and humanitarians. they are also their somali aunties who are entrepreneurs and own henna shops in the somali mall; the ones who greet them with warm hugs and huge smiles every time we pop in for a henna session and a visit. hijabis are the beautiful women in the middle east whose lavish wedding photos they love googling to find inspiration for their own one-day nuptials. they are glamourous women that they saw in harrods buying chanel makeup and purses, with their perfectly manicured nails. they are the heads of state like benazir bhutto and local politicians like ilhan omar. they see muslim women as they see themselves: strong, beautiful, powerful, talented, creative, capable, intelligent, opinionated, loving and kind.

this past WHD, lili proudly stood up before her entire school to show off her hijab after her teacher explained why she was wearing it. i was proud of her, too.

loving one's neighbor as one loves one's own self is one of the most fundamental teachings of Jesus. it is this biblical command that both inspires and convicts me to raise my children to love and understand others. one's solidarity must go deeper than just covering one's heads for a day, though. we must be willing to put our own selves on the line -whatever that may mean- for those who look and think and believe differently than ourselves... isn't that what Jesus did?

no, i am not a perfect mother...

helsingbor, sweden. jan 2017 

london, england. dec 2016  

san juan, puerto rico. feb 2016 

mother's day 2016

san jaun, puerto rico. feb 2016

i am not a perfect mother.

i love my children so madly, truly and deeply; every inch of my being bursts with pure joy at the sight of them, and i would give my life in exchange for theirs without hesitation. yet and still, i am nowhere near ideal. i strive to be the best mami that i can be, but because i am human, i often fail and make mistakes. i take my kids on crazy global adventures, teach them to feel empathy and deep love for others, they have great self esteem and will conquer the world one day! we do craft projects and paint; i try to keep them inspired and inquisitive. we laugh and play and love and live! they have amazing lives and still i miss the mark. i lose my temper some days and i yell; i get frustrated and regret my words.

i feel guilty and like the worst parent ever and think, "             would never lose their patience and always seems so cheerful and engaged- i'm a horrible mother!!!" and then the other day a friend said to me, "i'm struggling so much right now with lots of things in my life, and i feel like i'm being such a bad mom! i told myself that i needed to be more like iliah because she's always smiling at her kids..." i laughed and told her that like all mothers, i fail. i fail big time.

the girls are growing up and changing, and motherhood is just not as simplistic as it once was. long gone are the "easy" days when all we did was cuddle, do craft projects, read stories, sing, dance and play. now i'm breaking up arguments, having power struggles with ama over outfits, dealing with lili crying every morning while getting her hair combed and so many other things! some days, it's a war zone just getting out to school on time! i'm constantly having to watch my own attitudes, tones and looks at the girls because i only want them to know love and acceptance from me. when i feel that i have failed in my patience, i ask them to forgive me. I want them to always have the best of me, and sometimes i just cannot give it. yet i have learned that walking in humility before them, even in the midst of my own shortcomings, is powerful.

to all the mamas out there: you are amazing! even when you fail, you are the only mother that your children will ever want.

be at peace today...