don't worry, this post won't leave your hearts aching for me....

thank you to everyone who reached out to me with their love and support after the post the other day- it means a lot.

i told myself that if i ever started a blog, i would be transparent with every aspect of my life: the exciting and mundane, the good and the bad. a reality of life is that at times it may be full of thrilling adventures and exciting surroundings, and at other times it may be drenched in sorrow.

i think it's easy on blogs or facebook to get the impression that everything is always unicorns and rainbows in someone's life. you catch a glimpse online and think, "i wish my life was like ______'s" and many times we are only seeing things in part. i've always considered myself an honest person, and felt like i had to share where i was that day, believing that even my brokenness can be an inspiration to others. being that vulnerable was not easy, but necessary indeed.

through all my current trials there is still so much joy in my life! i have two amazing daughters, great friends, the opportunity to enjoy seeing the world- i am blessed even in my bareness!

i do need many prayers for what's ahead of me- so send them my way!

beauty for ashes...

it's hard to find beauty in the midst of pain, heartache and confusion. i am in the midst of one of the most difficult times in my life. and while the girls and i are having a blast in asia, i am also grieving the loss of many things. it's easy to cling to old comforts, and much more difficult to stare fate right in its eyes with a throbbing heart. i choose to yield to this process.  

there are numerous questions to ask, so many decisions ponder- many fears to face. this is when my trust in God's sovereignty over my life is tested most. i say that i believe that He has my life in His hands when things are going great, yet it's a much harder reality to abide in when your world is being shaken.

it would be easy and generic for me to say, "hey! i know every thing's going to be okay! i'm not afraid, God is with me!" i know God is with me; He's been faithful to me my entire life. but i have fleeting thoughts that say He will leave me and not redeem my situation. i know it's a lie, but i think everyone, if they are honest with themselves, has felt this way at different seasons of their life. i've experienced the great faithfulness of God many times over the years, but no matter how great your faith and deep your relationship with God, these doubts of Him will come...

so don't be too hard on yourself if you experience this ambivalence, God is much bigger than our weak misunderstandings of Him.

through all my anguish i am doing my best to cling to this belief: that my Jesus gives beauty for ashes! He restores all brokenness and strengthens even the faintest of hearts. He can, and will, turn every heap of ash into undeniable beauty.

every day i am surrendering my heart to Him; i am letting go of the old and accepting in the new. forgiving, grieving, loving and laughing.

this time next year, i hope to have a beautiful story of redemption to share...

  The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
   He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
²    to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
   to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
   to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
   the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
   and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
  They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

   Isaiah 61:1-3

yesterday was another chill day in malacca. yes, we're STILL here! the girls LOVE malacca and ringo's soo much- it's been hard to pull them away! i've told you before, this town is enchanting.

we REALLY need to get to moving SOON, though. i said that we'll leave tomorrow, and now we may wait until friday as i'm trying to decide where we'll go next. our friend silvia invited us to join her in sumatra, which would be AMAZING!!! there's a ferry from malacca to sumatra that leaves daily, and the ride is a little less than two hours. but after the ferry ride there would be a long bus ride to reach the capital, which i know the girls can do, but the question is if i want them to. hmmm. sumatra would be beautiful and exciting, plus it would be great to spend more time with our new friend. the only problem would be backtracking to the coast for the ferry, only to have a long train ride back to bangkok.

the other option is to return back to thailand and hang out at the beach for a week or two, then go on to cambodia. i wanted to try to make it to vietnam also, but we really won't have the time...or the money. we eventually HAVE to get back to bangkok because we have suitcases there, so it may just be easier to start trekking back that way.

what do you guys think? sumatra or thailand/cambodia? i seriously need some advice ASAP!!!

i would love to be in asia a bit longer, but i promised jossue that we would come home around the second week in january. and since i've kept his princesses away from him for almost four months, i really wouldn't ask for anything more. we don't have return tickets to back to the states just yet, but we're aiming for some time in january. our departure will be bitter sweet; we love traveling, meeting new people and exploring new cultures, but we also miss our friends and family back home. lili has been asking for her papi a lot the past couple of weeks. i told myself that if the girls started to miss home too much, we'd leave. it's not that they're not having a great time, but they also miss their daddy. at night lili's been saying, "i miss papi. i want to hug him and give him besos. i want to go to the beach with him and i want him to tickle my feet..." sweetness.

thanks, jossue, for supporting our trip, sending us cash when we were running low and spending the holidays without the girls. you're a rockstar.

the girls have moved on a bit from "kung fu panda" at breakfast; their current obsession: "monsters inc." i'm sure the entire hostel is excited for the change! i don't think any of them have watched this many children's movies in their lives!

yesterday we stayed in for the morning until late in the afternoon to avoid the sun...and then pouring rain. we were able to spend some time walking around chinatown again- the girls got ice cream, talked to people on the streets and played at a little park.

sorry for the boring post, it's late over this way...

remember to share any advice on where the girls and i should go next!

this weekend.

the girls and i had a wonderful/busy weekend. our good friends murshidah, zeal and munirah came to malacca for business, and we were able to spend three days with them! we haven't been able to make it back to KL to spend time with these dear ones because the girls got sick, and happened to work out to meet in malacca- perfection! i hope we can meet again before leaving malaysia.

i love this family soo much. well, i should say that WE love this family as the girls simply ADORE them! one of my prayers before coming to asia, was to meet wonderful people that i felt a deep connection with, and the Lord answered my prayer through them! i had a post started the other day where i give them a proper introduction: how we met, what they do, their vision for their family and their mission in life. i never got to finish the post and then soo many other things happened this weekend, that i would have never been able to catch up with all this blogging! i'll give you a brief review of what i love about them:

• zeal and murshidah are equal partners in everything that they do. one of the first times we all hung out together, zeal told me that he was a really driven person and knew that he could never marry a woman who had been taught her whole life that her sole purpose was to follow her husband. he wanted to marry someone that would inspire him to be his best, and who accomplish is goals. murshidah always says that zeal is her life coach and pushes her to be her best, and he feels the same way about her.

• they have a very solid family unit. zeal and murshidah work together, travel together with their daughter, munirah, for work and they take turns with their speaking engagements so someone will be there for munirah. zeal is even praying that other financial opportunities come through so that he can become a full-time stay-at-home dad. he even watches barbie princess movies! they are a family completely devoted to each other.

• murshidah is amazing! she is full of wisdom, light and love. she has an infectious laugh, and you feel better just being in her presence. if you're holding on to unforgiveness listen to some of her steps for letting go here. i hope to have her share some of her recipes for natural skincare on the blog one day!

• i love their vision of love and respect.. we have the best conversations about faith; even though there is much that our faiths have in common, there is also so much that is completely different. we know this, yet we can walk out our friendship with love and admiration for each other, and these differences don't come between us. this is rare, people. 

• munirah, ama and lili are three peas in a pod! they love spending time together; ama and munirah have identical personalities! if you ever want to see a great show, watch ama and munirah act out the movie "brave"- it's a sight to be seen! they are both bossy and strong willed, and i love watching them boss each other on how to act out the movie the right way! lili occasionally joins in, but she makes up her her characters!

• munirah is a six year-old on a mission to inform the world of the dangerous chemicals in their beauty products and to promote healthy eating! she was going over a book with ama, telling her which products she should hand shouldn't use! it was great!

• i feel completely uplifted and full of love and support after being with them. and after the rottenness and negativity that had been around me the past few years, this means the world to me!

i could go on and on about them. they're simply amazing people, and i feel soo blessed to have apart of my life.

when zeal, murshidah and munirah came to pick us up from the hostel, ama was already at the stairs waiting for them to arrive! and when lili and i were walking downstairs, lili heard mushidah's voice and said, "mommy! mommy!"- excited to hear murshidah's voice! lili had the HUGEST smile on her face when murshidah greeted her and then said, "where's munirah?"...the girls were all thrilled to see each other again!

we drove around malacca for a bit looking for somewhere to eat. we saw signs for a dish that's famous to the city, chicken and rice balls. none of us had ever tried them, and we decided to give it a whirl! when we arrived at the restaurant i told lili that i needed to go potty, she started screaming that that she had to go as well- we never made it. i didn't have a change of clothes for her and zeal got some of munirah's pant for lili wear! they were way too big, but lili felt like a princess and was happy to wear something of her new friend's!  

we ate, ama and munirah didn't! they were too busy creating a theatrical performance- it's always dinner theater with those two! 

if you're ever malacca, make sure you try the chicken and rice balls!

afterwards, we stopped at an organic shop to look around. 

we were on our way to walk around near the sea, when we made wrong turn and happened upon a center with a wildlife show! all the girls were SUPER excited, as were the adults. it's amazing the things you begin to enjoy when you become a parent: children's movies, dora's songs and wildlife shows! it's really about the moments one get to spend with one's children, and the joy one feels from seeing their faces glow! 

there were exotic birds at the show, and the girls each got to hold a 1RM bill and a bird would fly and get it. uncle even became apart of the show- which was a thrill for the girls! we saw snakes, lizards and a seal show. it was SUCH a great time!

amazing memories made.

saturday morning, howard asked if the girls and i wanted to attend a traditional malay wedding. we accepted, of course. a friend of howard's picked up me, the girls and our new friend from germany, silvia, from the hostel- we also we picked up a guy from bulgaria, chris. we ended up late to the wedding and missed the procession. in a malay wedding, the whole village walks behind the bride and groom down the street playing music and announcing their new marriage- the girls would have LOVED that. we missed most of the ceremonial parts of the wedding, but made it for the food (yay!) and were able to greet the bride and groom. 

the bride and groom were seated on thrones of sorts and below them were kids playing instruments. both the bride and groom had henna on their hands, and you put perfume in their hands (i believe it was to bless the marriage) and then you are given a gift. 

i loved the colors, the music, the food; the fact that the whole village is invited to come and celebrate the special occasion. no rsvp, no 'plus one'- just the gathering together of an entire community to celebrate a man and woman being joined to together as one. it was awesome! 

no one gave us dirty looks as we obviously didn't know either the bride or groom- we were welcomed in as part of the celebration. everyone made sure sure had enough to eat, they were concerned if the food would be too spicy for the girls and made sure we all got our wedding favors- it was awesome! 

after the wedding we had plans to meet zeal, murshidah and munirah! we went out for arab food -yummy lamb- and met with some other good friends of of theirs who live in malacca.  it was another rich night, full of love and great times. of course we were treated to another dinner theater performance written by, produced and staring ama and munirah- i think last night it was "barbie mermaid part II"- those girls are AWESOME. 

it was bittersweet saying our "goodbyes" when they dropped us off- we treasure this family. when lili woke up this morning she said, "mommy, i see munirah..." it was adorable! 

after i put the girls to sleep, i ran into silvia and had a great time chatting with her. she was going to leave for KL today (because it's sunday afternoon in this part of the world), but decided she would wait until monday to get to hang out with the girls and i a bit more! she began to open up about a situation she's been going through for awhile, something very similar to things i've been facing. it was great to sit and chat about it- very therapeutic. she's a great person and it's sad she's leaving tomorrow. but who knows, we may meet again!

so this post definitely isn't "vaginas for sale"- i never had time to write that post yesterday. i've had people asking me when i was going to finish it, and i promise it will be soon. for those of you who are afraid/offended by its title, it's not a sexually explicit piece- just my thoughts concerning the exploitation of women in poorer nations by western men. that's all. no need to question my salvation over it. 

yesterday was a pretty chill day. i had a few things that i needed to get done so we didn't have any adventure time. but honestly, no matter what we do turns into an adventure! 

we started the day with with our normal routine: breakfast and kung fu panda. i did our laundry, picked up the girls' mess in our room and the little ladies watched episodes of wild kratts on itunes to keep themselves busy. it was raining on and off during the day, so it was a good thing that we didn't get out early.

lili was having another crabby day. she was crying for just about everything; one minute she wanted to take a bath, the next minute she didn't want to take one. she randomly pooped in the morning in the diaper she wore to bed (i potty trained her when we were in thailand, but she wears diapers for bed), and cried because she didn't want me to take the diaper off of her. she cried about what wild kratts episode they watched, and if i asked her to do anything she responded, "NEVER!!!!". i love her. she slept pretty well the night before, but i think was still tired from the other sleepless nights. 

once lili finally agreed to get a bath and her hair combed, we went to our indian place for dinner. the girls had their daily doses of roti and masala. when we were eating lili looks at me and said,"oops, i peed in my diaper!"...but lili wasn't wearing a diaper! she was just having an off day- we all have those. after dinner, it was off to ride a few rides at an arcade that we'd noticed a few days earlier.

the arcade was pretty old school; a few old rides, video games, a bunch of old men and women in the back chain smoking and playing what i think were slot machines. we stayed and played for a bit, then i needed to find some shampoo and conditioner- remember my hair was nasty dirty. i found a little store in a strip mall that sold shampoo, but no conditioner. by this time it started pouring rain and we had no umbrella. while we were waiting for the rain to stop ama says to me, "too bad we don't wear hijab because if we did, we could walk in the rain and our hair wouldn't get wet..." i love how culturally aware my girls are. 

we just hung out for awhile waiting for the rain to stop and found a little store that sold make-up. i bought some new "m.a.c." eye shadow and gel eyeliner. i knew you could buy counterfeit handbags, but i guess you can get make-up as well! the girls also each got free eyeshadow from one of the ladies who worked at the store. they weren't behaving very well and i told them that i would't buy them the anything. ama started to cry and the lady gave them eyeshadow! she was like, "oh, baby, don't cry auntie will buy it for you..." it was sweet, but at the same time frustrating because i'm trying to teach the girls that if they don't behave they can't have special things...and then ama cries because she can't have the eyeshadow, and the lady gives it to them. URG! but at least i know that girls are loved in malaysia!

i finally found shampoo and conditioner, but at 7-11. we walked home, i put the girls to bed and was finally able to wash my hair. i love clean hair; the way it smells and bounces just puts my heart at ease. i should wash my hair more often. it's just hard to do in asia; the shampoos and conditioners don't work well on my hair, so i just wait until i absolutely have to do it. 

it's thursday evening in malaysia now, and we had another lovely day that i'll write about tomorrow. our friends from kuala lumpur, zeal, murshidah, and their sweet daughter, munirah are in malacca for the weekend. we were able to spend some time with them tonight and we'll all go to a fruit farm together tomorrow. we love this family soo much and it was great to be with them again! 

i also wanted to thank everyone who's been reading the blog! your love and support mean the world to us! feel free to write me with any questions you may have, i do write back! 

and last, but not least, i must say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIAH!!!! i love and miss you SOOO much! you are more than a friend, you are my sister. i am SOO blessed that God place someone like you in my life! 

we finally made it to the zoo yesterday! we saw sebastian at breakfast and the girls asked if they could invite him also. they asked and he accepted the invitation! 

the girls really like sebastian. maybe because of the kindness he showed us when they were sick, or that he always puts on "kung fu" panda for them while they eat breakfast. either way, they love him! whenever they see him they're like, "hey, sebastian!"or if we go get roti ama will say, "we should get some for sebastian..."

he really is an interesting person who always has these master oogway-type responses to things. i remember a few days after arriving at the hostel, i was on the rooftop getting our laundry and saw sebastian hanging his. i gave him the clips and hangers that i had been using and told him that his laundry would dry faster if he hung it in the sun. he calmly responded, "i'm not in a hurry..." smiled and then walked away. 

i was like, "whoa...he's a zen mater!" lol

he wants to buy land in a forest in poland and have a sustainable farm. if he was a christian, i would hook him up with one of my good friends, heather. they'd have a ton in common. he's good peeps. 

sebastian can now add spending a day at the zoo in malaysia with an insanely crabby lili to his list of adventures; some of which include living in calcutta, india, hitchhiking around europe and spending six months at a buddhist monastery in thailand. 

lili had another crazy sleep night and we both barely slept. maybe it was too much to try to take her to the zoo. she spent most of the time crabby, yelling that she wanted to see the lions and screaming at people- it was a it out of control! they are amazing travelers, but kids nonetheless. she did have times when she was in a good mood; she was excited to see the crocodiles, the birds and lions, of course. i didn't get to take many pictures of the day because she was just too crabby.

we all still had a good time, though, walking around looking at the animals, and then we got caught in a rain storm! good thing we were still at the zoo and found shelter in the reptile center- my hair just wouldn't have been able to survive the downpour! 

lili had a COMPLETE breakdown when we passed the playground and i told her that she couldn't play. so was sooo sleepy. it was still raining and the playground was soaked from the heavier rain, but how do you explain that to an already feisty two year-old who barley slept the night before and needed to eat? it took her awhile to clam down, and i had to walk around while singing to her. this really sweet girl came and started fanning her with her fan! thankfully, she fell asleep by the time our bus came.

we all stopped and ate at the indian place we love. ama decided that she loves the roti there SOO much, that she had to ask one of the guys who work there for the recipe. he had no idea what she was taking about, and it was ADORABLE to witness!

sebastian was a bit in awe at how everyone responds to the girls. he asked if people love them where ever we go- i told him pretty much. it's amazing to travel through asia with your children; everyone responds so warmly to the girls and instantly become like aunts and uncles to them. having them with me actually opens up soo many doors to meet great people, and interact with the culture around us in a very personal way. 

later when we got back to the hostel we found out that the new couple that had checked in the other day was from minneapolis- small world! the girls watched "kung fu" panda -again- got baths and ate special tarts that howard bought for them. oh! and a family with a four year-old little girl from the maldives checked in last night- the girls had a blast playing with her.

today's exciting agenda is as followed:

1. wash my hair- it's nasty dirty.
2. do laundry. 
3. keep the girls from screaming at each other.
4. write the other blog post i had planned, "vaginas for sale".
5. figure out where the girls and i will go next.

today...

today began as one of those days that make me remember why i love traveling: it's the gathering together of people from all over the world, each with their own unique story and journey. 

the girls and i got up late for breakfast because lili had another rough night sleeping due to her vivid dreams. she woke up in the middle of the night crying and hugging me saying, "mommy! i'm scared of the lion!"one day i'll have to tell you the hot dog story- this girl has some crazy dreams.

when we got down stairs, the older belgian man who checked in yesterday was already at the table eager to chat. he started asking me different travel questions: what i was doing in asia alone with my children, how to get to indonesia from singapore via ferry...should he or shouldn't he go back to thailand to the 28 year-old woman he spent a week with who doesn't speak english or french, but swears he's "in love" with. we'll save that story for tomorrow's post i'm entitling "vaginas for sale." i'm not kidding, stay tuned.  

a little bit into the belgian's ramblings, the the french guy -who's actually a french-speaking swiss- came down to check out. he was off to begin cycling from malaysia to thailand, then into cambodia and vietnam. he started his journey cycling through europe; he then took a plane to the states, cycled from las vegas to san francisco, stayed with some friends and then flew to singapore. he had biked from singapore to malaysia, and actually turned out to be a really cool guy. i think i prejudged him as a crabby european annoyed by my children. after the girls weren't throwing up in front of him, he seemed to be quite taken with them and always had an adoring smile. 

the swiss guy and i say our goodbyes, and the belgian keeps on talking. 

later this REALLY cool couple from the states, michael and eileen, come down. we chat about where we're from, about eileen taking a six month leave of absence from her job to travel, they asked how the girls and i ended up in asia, our 30-hour train ride from bangkok to kuala lumpur, our 17+ hour journey in third class from bangkok to chiang mai, the girls' love of the squatty potty, how i keep the them busy on such long train rides and the twelve counties lili's been to and the fifteen for ama. i shared my ideas about the false notion that you have to do all your adventurous travel before you have children because most people believe that international travel becomes out of the question. well, most americans that is. and no matter where in the world you're from, people can't believe that i would be traveling alone with two little girls...

michael and eileen were mad cool. we all just instantly connected. michael played 'kung fu' with the girls, we all chatted, took pictures together- well, eileen took pictures because my camera was upstairs. they were on their way back to singapore to catch their flight to india as they are going to spend five weeks traveling there  and will attend a wedding.

and all the while, the belgian is still talking... 

a bit later sebastian came to eat breakfast. i've always observed sebastian to be this really mellow, super zen-type guy as he spent six months living in a buddhist monastery in thailand. the belgian asked him a question, and i swear i thought sebastian was going to kill him. 

the conversation went as follows:

the belgian: "do you know anything about batam, indonesia?"

sebastian: "don't you EVER f%*king speak to me! you exploit my countrymen and come on your asian holiday and ask me for help?! i don't think so. don't f%*king talk to me! don't say another word."

yikes! i seriously thought sebastian was going to punch him. after the belgian finally left, i asked what happened between them. i guess earlier that morning they had been talking and once the belgian found out sebastian is polish, he started bragging about the polish workers he employees at his company in belgium. he pays them about 1/3 what he does belgians, but feels like he was doing them a favor since it's double what they would make in poland. and here he is, a rich western european holidaying in asia, after making a fortune by exploiting the misfortune of others.

i would have lost my zen -or in my case, my Jesus- too.

sebastian lived in scotland for awhile working because it's hard to earn a decent living in poland, even with his university studies. his mother lived for 10 years in chicago and is currently working in scotland. he told me stories of polish people working the in the uk; how they're treated as third class citizens and the shame that's held over many of them for being polish. he also told of the exploitations and hard lives that many polish face when working in western europe: you get paid less than minimum wage, which is more than what you'd earn in poland, but making it almost impossible to survive while living in western europe. sebastian had a good job in an office in scotland, but that's not the typical story of the average polish working abroad. 

and the belgian couldn't understand why sebastian was so angry. he was bragging as if sebastian should be grateful that he was "helping" his fellow countrymen.

power. privilege. exploitation. the plight of the undocumented worker: it's the same story all around the world. 

i shared some stories of our own problems in the states concerning this subject.

and then the day got much lighter; the girls and i were going to go to the zoo but it was TOO hot! ama and lili are feeling much better and i wanted to try and get them out of the hostel again. by the time we were dressed and ready to go, the bloody midday sun was at its peak. we decided to get roti from our favorite indian place and have a (very quick) picnic. 

we sat by the river and ate, while the girls waved to people on boats passing by.

hopefully tomorrow we'll get up and out early and actually make it to the zoo...

  

healing...

the girls are on the mend- praise God! it's been a rough couple of days with them both being sick. they aren't quite 100% themselves just yet, but able to keep fluids down and eat a little bit here and there! so we're still just laying low in malacca. 

the first night they were sick was insane! i spent the whole night up holding a bag over ama's mouth and breastfeeding lili for comfort. i'm guessing that i slept about an hour that night- we were all exhausted the next morning. 

when you're traveling alone with two little girls and they get sick, you don't have an extra person to run to the store for you to pick up crackers and gatorade (if they even have gatorade in malaysia), and you don't have an extra hand to care for one girl while you care for the other. but we always survive and God always provides a helping hand. my helping hand came in the form of a kind polish traveler, sebastian.

i had no idea how i was going to get the girls medicine and something for them to eat. i would never leave them at the hostel to run out for things, and they were too sick to go out. i knew that i was going to have to ask someone for help. the first person i thought of was the mysterious eastern european guy whose room is on the way to the bathroom. he heard us going back and forth down the hall when the girls were throwing up -before i decided that we were just going to go plastic bag over the mouth route- and came out of his room to ask if they were okay. i figured i could ask him for help since he seemed concerned for the girls the night before, and the french guy whose room is right next to ours just rolled is eyes and walked away when he saw them throwing up- i knew he wasn't going to help. 

i went to sebastian's room and the first thing he asked was how the girls were. i told him that they were still pretty sick and that i would need his help, then asked if he could go to the store for me. he replied, "i was going to suggest that last night..."

he went to the store and got what i needed, went the the pharmacy to get the girls rehydrating salts to put in their water -that they wouldn't drink- and brought me back food i didn't ask for. i had been soo concerned about the girls that i hadn't even thought about eating. he said, "i figured you hadn't eaten and brought you some roti and curry..." then gave me some tips on helping the girls get better and said that he would stay around the hostel incase we needed anything else. 

there is still goodness in the world, folks.

he later brought us bananas and curry chicken eat, also Sprite for the girls to see if they would drink it with the rehydrating salts. 

God cares for me and these little girls. i've had soo many amazing people help us along the way during this journey- i'll have to write about all of them one day. we met most them we before i had a blog...

yesterday was the first night we were able to leave the hostel in a couple of days, and the first time i was able to take a shower... the girls still don't have very strong appetites and weren't ready to try eating until later in the evening. we decided to go on a little walk near where we are staying as i didn't want to exhaust them with too much walking or activities. we found a stand selling watermelon and juice; well, it wasn't juice it was 'drank'- you know, sugar, water, fruit flavor and food coloring! i swear we'll get back to our healthy eating habits when we're back in the states! 

the girls ate their watermelon while sitting on a little bridge overlooking the river. there was great weather, beautiful surroundings and they didn't throw everything the ate back up- perfection. we then went to look for the little indian restaurant where sebastian had gotten our roti. the girls have fallen in love with roti -ama says it's just like naan- and it seems to be gentle on their tummies. then it was off for popsicles. i know, drank and popsicles in one evening. help us, Lord. 

after dinner we found a little park and they played a bit. not their usual high energy, aggressive play-just a little sliding, then we went on a ferris wheel ride. after being inside a room for a few days, this was just what the doctor ordered. 

we are all healing over this way; the girls in their bodies and me in my heart. healing from the past few years of broken friendships, vicious in-laws, family betrayals- many disappointments. i am grateful for a God who heals and restores. i can't wait to see what's to come- it's going to be amazing!

these girls come first

pai, thailand. october 2012

i had this great post planned about our incredible experiences last night. the new people that we met, people we came across again from previous journeys, the perfect weather, the amazing act of human kindness shown to us; the moment this rush of gratitude come over my being when it hit me that me and my little girls were strolling down the streets of this beautiful little town in malaysia.

it was going to be a great, i swear. 

but then my babies got sick. and when your babies get sick, not only do you change the blog post you wanted to write, you change your whole world for them. 

today i wanted to get up early, go get our bus tickets back to kuala lumpur, explore the city one last time, pack and be ready to leave for KL tomorrow so we could make it back in time to visit a compassion house for orphans with our new friends. but lili just wouldn't wake up. i thought it was because they had such an action packed night and they stayed up late watching kung fu panda. she finally woke up around 10am, then went right back to sleep and didn't wake-up until 2:00pm. she seemed fine, though i found it odd that she slept for so long. she asked for milk, i gave it to her, then about ten minutes later she threw it all up. since then, she's thrown up everything she's drank or attempted to eat. 

ama was fine earlier, then she also started vomiting a few hours after lili. i'll be honest and say that i didn't believe ama when she first told me her tummy was hurting. sorry, but if you know my little ama, then you know that she has a flair for the dramatic. she told me earlier that she was jealous that lili was sick and getting a lot of attention, and soon after started coming up with ailments such as tooth aches for fever reducing medicine. ama is just that little girl who loves taking medicine; on any given day you may just catch her walking around with the thermometer in her ear, checking to see if she has a temperature. i love my child.  ama didn't "seem" sick, but just to make her feel better i told her that if she felt like she was going to throw up, let me know and we'd run to the bathroom. about an hour later she started screaming that she needed to go to the bathroom to throw up, but did it all over our room floor.

i've had to stop writing this post at least three times to hold a bag over her mouth...

we're not leaving for KL tomorrow; we'll stay in malacca in our room until these little girls are better. 

we'll be watching lots of dora and praying they can keep fluids down. 

one day, i'll write that amazing post i promised you.

malacca, i think i may be falling in love with you...

oh, malacca, i think you may have my heart in the palm of your hands. there is something very charming about you. maybe it's your blend of cultural influences: chinese, portuguese, british, dutch, indian and malay. maybe it's the way that at night the whole city is lit up by tiny lights, the little art galleries tucked away in hidden corners, all the hippie nomads, the cafes to sit and people watch; or maybe it's the dreamy river running right through the center of town. it could be a combination of all of these things; either way, i'm smitten with you.

the girls and i have been having a great time in malacca. we haven't really been "doing" much, but we're enjoying our time of sitting back, hanging out and wandering about the city- when it's not raining that is.

originally, were only going to stay in malacca for a few days but her charm has sucked us in! I booked this hostel from friday until yesterday, but we decided to stay a few extra days. there were no rooms available at the hostel we were at, but we met this awesome retired french woman who told us about this guest house that another traveler had recommended to her. there are many reasons why i love traveling, but one of the main ones are the people that you meet along the way. i love the feeling of the world colliding with my life; i love meeting others from all around the world, united by the common bond of needing to wander. we also met a young argentine couple that morning- it was good feel latin america close to me again...even though i have this love/hate relationship with argentina.

ama was SOOO excited to leave our first hostel- let's just say our room didn't look as nice as the one in the photo! the girls did enjoy playing with the hostel keeper's dog- who, by the way, was really nice and i'm pretty sure was a high functioning alcoholic. the hostel keeper, not the dog. we met really cool people during our stay backpacker's freak, but we're defiantly happy with where we are now.

we moved to the hostel the french woman suggested to us, ringo's foyer. it's clean, in a great location, cheaper than where we were- plus full of art, books and old furniture. the owner, howard, put on "kung fu panda" for the girls to watch and sat there with us watching and chatting away. if you ever make your way to malacca and are looking for a great place to stay at a great price, ringo's foyer is the place to be!

we'll be moving on from malacca in a next day or so, but i will be leaving a piece of my heart here with her. i feel like we're just getting into the rhythm of the city and becoming a part of a community. who knows, the wind may just blow us back here before our time in malaysia is done...